to be or nt to be

mths back, lets say start of sem
i started my regular nightlife which will start frm wed till sun weekly
often at clubs, pubs, food centres

frens met, known n made
then opportunities made themseves available to me
i took a step which led to many others
life has nv been so happenin b4 i shld say.
but my life was nv complete frm then till now
a part of me was missing, a part which may make me whole

i tot i had finally managed to make a breakthru a few mths back
tinkin tat i can finally make my way out of this hellhole,
this life shrouded in booze, music n farked up shit
but my incompetence has led to this hope, tis little light tat i found feel insecure
feelin tat i may have been just another passerby

now
i am back in the hole which i was once in, a farked up place
though booze music n frens can make u feel gd but its just for tat moment
wad bout other times when theyre nt ard, when its just u and the world,
tis dark, complicated world

i need u
i miss u
i wan u

though i spent little time wif u, but those times were fulfilling
finally, i feel tat the missing piece was finally in place but i lost u
i lost u to myself

i cant believe it!!!! MYSELF

i m a farked up #$%^&*((*&^%

i may be indecisive
i may be nth tat u expected me to be but i still like u

pls gimme another chance
i noe i have yet to try hard enough
but i just dun wan u to feel tat im buggin u
tats all

sorry mayb i shld really die
die in booze
die in all those things i use to hate n detest